I'm writing this to remind you that you're a fucking awesome person, and that you are loved. I know you know that. But, I also know that you're like me and you need to hear it.
I know you've got your demons, but hell, who doesn't? I mean, shit, I logged damn near ten miles on the treadmill today, trying to outrun mine. It didn't work, but you know what? That's life, baby. We're all broken and scarred and fucked up in our own ways. The important thing, the thing to remember is: The past shapes who we are in the present, but we constantly evolve. Who I am, who you were ten, twelve, fifteen years ago, that's not who we are today. There's an easy way, always, but the fact that you're taking the good path, and that you're still swinging - brother, that speaks volumes about how good a person you truly are.
I don't know if you believe in past lives or whatever. Don't much care. I know like calls to like, and I've known since the moment I met you that you're the big brother that that shady, conniving bitch Fate tried to screw me out of having. So, sucks to be her, cuz as far as I'm concerned, everything happens for a reason, and the whole reason my big white Yankee ass landed in Austin in the first place wasn't cuz of some stupid chick-flick type misguided romantic bullshit notion of happily ever after. It was so I could finally meet my oversized, Godzilla meets Fezzig meets Stevie Ray Vaughan meets Peter Griffin, Princess Bride quoting, goofy-ass, bacon and twice baked potato loving, most amazingly awesome Biggest Brother. Sure, I did some awesome cooking, and made some pretty cool friends, but when it boils down to nothing, the best thing to happen to me the whole time I was down there was getting my new big brother. So you can bacon on that too.
The whole reason I'm writing all this and telling you all this? Like I said, I lost a brother already. And yeah, it was hard, and yeah, it still fucking hurts every single day. But February 20'th and 21'st are my permanent reminders that life is too fucking fragile and way too goddamned short to go through it without telling the people who mean the most to you just how much you care. And, like I said, I don't give a good goddamn - or a bad one, for that matter - whether we've got the same parents or not. You're just as much a part of my family as Jeni or Travie or Scotty-love or Diddy. And any time you need to talk, I'm here to listen, you know that. So quit apologizing. Cuz, darlin, you know damn well once shit's stable for you and I need to vent and make confession, I'm gonna be calling your big Texas ass. Okay?
You're a good man. You're a wonderful father to Bear, a kick-ass fiance to Natalie, the best big brother I could have ever hoped for, and you have a huge heart full of bacony sunshiney gold. And even though you might have done a few fucked up things back in the day, the fact that you didn't let it desensitize you, the fact that you're still loving and compassionate...well, shit, that makes you a good man too. Like I said, we've all got our demons. We've all got our scars. Yours happen to be worse than most people's, but you're strong, and you're a fighter, and the fact that you're keeping them at bay and providing for your family - that makes you one in a million.
You took the heat for me so many fucking times, deflected so many shitstorms away from me, kept me from toppling over from borderline to completely broken, and it meant - and still means - more than the world to me. And, you know what? If I didn't think you were a good person, I wouldn't have let you anywhere near my boys, because they're my heart and soul. They're the best part of me, walking around in their sturdy little wee-man bodies.
I know it's been hard for you, and that it's probably gonna be hard for a little while longer. But you've gotten this far already. Just keep fighting, brother, keep swinging, and remember that, no matter what, you've got five feet and 110 lbs of scrappy Irish midget up here in Central Michigan (aka Southern Canada to all y'all Texas people) that's got your back, no matter what. 100%, brother. Sending y'all hugs and loves till I can get down there in October to hug ya in person.
miss ya brother,
Megatron
(known in these parts as Little Bit, Shortstop, and Baby Girl)
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